All momentum is gone. It’s finished, right? Was this for an indefinite amount of time? I’m uncomfortable. Is this forever?
If I am honest, I can’t “do this”. No, I don’t want to. I’m sure that circumstances will change again, but when?
How long will I feel this? I can’t discern well at times, and I need comfort. I don’t know where to find it. Yesterday, I was so confident and ecstatic. It’s making today feel much more unsettled. I flourish, but then I falter. For days, I lapse, …out of sight.
A flash comes up inside of me, like an invader. It felt best when I cried. I was doing what “worked”.
If I am still, and doing nothing else, this is the way it really is.
I start right now.
#death #loss #anger #fear #struggle