Hiding my emotions has become a sort of art. For what seems like a long time, I’ve had things, opportunities, or people ripped from me too quickly. Not having any sort of input in these matters hasn’t made it any easier. If you ask me what’s going on, I’d tell you I’m torn.
“That’s what’s going on. Nothings fine I’m torn.”
Why does the nineties hit, “Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia come to mind? Because humor is part of my process and it’s also just a really good song… None the less, I haven’t been betrayed by my partner or seen a fortune teller recently. But in a way, I do feel betrayed and robbed of too many things in life and it’s weighing heavily. If you’d ask me how to make it better, I wouldn’t be sure how to answer.
“You’re a little late. I’m already torn.”
Lately, it feels like so much is out of my control. I ache to take the reins of my life back into my own hands. There’s only so many times a person can listen to the same song. Dancing to the tune of hurt and disappointment is not something I can sustain.
“Im all out of faith, this is how I feel.”
I can’t help but have an overwhelming sense of guilt for feeling this way. I recognize that there is so much to be thankful for and nuggets of sunshine in every day. But on some days, they’re really hard to find and I’m working on realizing that it’s okay. I’m torn right now, but I will find a way to mend what’s ripped.
Teachers Write 
Such a vulnerable slice. You let the reader in to feel your pain and disappointment without revealing specifics. A hug from across town.
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This slice is a brave look into pain. Thank you for sharing it with us. I love how you weave in the song.
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❤️
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Thank you for sharing your heart. You did an excellent job describing your feelings and weaving the song lyrics throughout. You’re right; it’s okay to feel that way. Sending you virtual well wishes.
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Feel those feelings. Dance it out or belt out the lyrics to the song. I LOVE how you ended with optimism: “I’m torn right now, but I will find a way to mend what’s ripped.” This is the hope, the present and future. You got this. But feel free to feel torn as long as you need to. (not that you needed my permission 😉
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Thanks 😘 your comment means a lot to me!
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What a brave and beautiful and real post. This line stuck out to me, “Dancing to the tune of hurt and disappointment is not something I can sustain.” This has been a tough year… and there have been moments when I also was not sure how much longer I could dance to that tune. And then… somehow I was able to see the light again. Sending love and hugs your way.
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