Hiding my emotions has become a sort of art. For what seems like a long time, I’ve had things, opportunities, or people ripped from me too quickly. Not having any sort of input in these matters hasn’t made it any easier. If you ask me what’s going on, I’d tell you I’m torn.
“That’s what’s going on. Nothings fine I’m torn.”
Why does the nineties hit, “Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia come to mind? Because humor is part of my process and it’s also just a really good song… None the less, I haven’t been betrayed by my partner or seen a fortune teller recently. But in a way, I do feel betrayed and robbed of too many things in life and it’s weighing heavily. If you’d ask me how to make it better, I wouldn’t be sure how to answer.
“You’re a little late. I’m already torn.”
Lately, it feels like so much is out of my control. I ache to take the reins of my life back into my own hands. There’s only so many times a person can listen to the same song. Dancing to the tune of hurt and disappointment is not something I can sustain.
“Im all out of faith, this is how I feel.”
I can’t help but have an overwhelming sense of guilt for feeling this way. I recognize that there is so much to be thankful for and nuggets of sunshine in every day. But on some days, they’re really hard to find and I’m working on realizing that it’s okay. I’m torn right now, but I will find a way to mend what’s ripped.