Holding on Until the End

For the past week, showering has been one of my biggest accomplishments. Today wasn’t very different, other than managing to take my pup for a short walk up the street and being able to breathe through my nose for most of today. I count these things as wins.

My phone rang, and I recognized the number immediately- the doctor’s office. I had sent them a message through the patient portal earlier this morning, but wasn’t anticipating a phone call in response.

“Hi, this is J from Dr. G’s office. I got your message and thought I would give you a call to check in on you and see how you were doing.”

I was at a loss for words at first, I wasn’t expecting a phone call. I cleared my throat and explained that I’m hanging in there and feeling a little better today. I couldn’t believe she was calling just to make sure I was okay.

“Have you had COVID before? Or is this your first time?”

I told her that no, I hadn’t had COVID before that I was aware of. And if I did, I must have been asymptomatic. It still felt weird to say it out loud; I have COVID.

“Wow, you’re one of those few people who held on until the end, huh?”

I did. I held on until the end…. the end… I sure hope it is. I held on by doing my very best to follow every protocol. I held on by masking when I’m supposed to, I held on by washing and sanitizing my hands until my fingers have been raw. I held on having my college graduation ripped away from me. I held on after my body ached from the initial vaccination. I held on through my first year teaching in a pandemic. I held on trying to help little humans understand what a pandemic is while also trying to teach them how to be human during one. I held on not seeing loved ones for over a year. I held on through crippling anxiety and dark depression. I held on through it all until my body finally gave up. It had been two years of holding on until I couldn’t any longer.

I could have rattled off my list to the kind nurse of just how hard I’ve held on, along with the rest of the world. But instead, I sighed and agreed that yes, I suppose I did. I thanked her for her kindness after she gave me some tips and recommendations, and we said our goodbyes.

It wasn’t long before I returned to the pink plush blanket I’ve been holding onto for the last four days. As I curled up underneath it, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in. Just keep holding on.

Part of Slice of Life by Two Writing Teachers March Slice a Day Challenge! I’m slicing every day this month. Thanks for stopping by!

8 comments

  1. Whew. This was good. Thank you for your vulnerable post. Sending healing vibes and prayers your way. Keep holding on

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  2. Hold on, my friend! I’m so sorry to hear that you have COVID. So Sorry. It’s so horrible to feel sick – your body seems to have “let you down”… but you will get better each day. Breathe deeply, if you can and feel the love from all who care about you! What do you need/could you use…??

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  3. Still holding on- fingers crossed with the upcoming changes that we can keep holding on until my little one has the option for vaccination. I can relate to everything you said about sacrifices being made to get to this point. Prayers that you get well soon and don’t have extended symptoms. Always here- even if it’s a phone call!

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  4. This is beautiful. Your beginning drew me in, with your well-chosen details and the way your story unfolds bit by bit for readers, and then that paragraph about how you held on….whew! It is so powerful. I hope you heal quickly!

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  5. I wish you a quick recovery! Thank you for sharing your experiences. It sure has been a rough and bumpy road; I’m hoping it is the end as well.

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