Tuesdays used to be a really great day.
I would often find myself sitting on the futon in my college apartment with my roommates watching Law and Order: SVU. Man- I loved that show and it would literally play all day long. We would spend hours sometimes playing detective alongside Benson and Stabler.
Then I had kids. I tried to enjoy the Tuesday marathon while I was home on maternity leave and I had to turn it off. I couldn’t handle the storyline anymore- it became too personal. My mind would put my own child in these horrific situations and I couldn’t fathom anyone going through that. I know these storylines are loosely based on real events so I had to remove myself from them in order to pretend that they don’t exist for fear that I would never let my child experience anything in this dangerous world.
Now it’s Tuesday and I feel like I’m watching an episode of Law and Order except it’s real life. That’s my actual newsfeed blowing up with a number that is still increasing of deaths of children. Real children. Not some actor playing a role but someone’s child. I want to vomit.
It’s Tuesday and tomorrow should bring the hope of half a week done. The rise of the hump to the last full week of school. Instead it will bring questions and potential conversations. I will sit in my room and contemplate, again, what I would do if this would happen.
It’s Tuesday and I’m sitting here thinking about how representing something like different family structures in my library is “robbing children of their innocence” but the fact that my 6 year old has to hear about some monster hurting children at school is asinine. Every day we offer prayers and condolences paired with inaction is robbing every child of their innocence. I’m tired of debating books while I’m literally contemplating how I could keep my students safe.
It’s Tuesday and it’s getting old.
It’s Tuesday and I’m tired.
It’s Tuesday and I’m distraught.
The sad thing is, any day could be Tuesday.